If I Ran for Office...

Like almost everyone else, I've been following the 2008 Presidential election very closely.  And the whole race and all the hell that those candidates are put through every single day got me thinking: if I ran for office, would anyone vote for me? 

I'm guessing not.  Here's why:

1. I'm pro taxes.  I think we should be paying way more taxes than we are today.  We should tax the hell out of the rich and put all that money into our schools, our health care system, our social welfare system, and our public transportation system.  Would it be worth it to pay more in taxes if health care was completely free and universal, if public transportation (including trains) was cheap and plentiful, if pensions and holidays were mandated by the government (including a month-long vacation for all employees), if our schools (including higher ed) were completely free and fully funded?  Wouldn't it be worth it to pay more in taxes if you knew that, upon losing your job, you would have government assistance until you found a new job and the government would pay for any training you might need to get that new job?
2. I'm pro gay rights and pro gay marriage.  That's not too controversial--but what if I said that I'm also in favor of everyone trying homosexuality at least once?  That's government policy in the UK, after all! 
3. I'm pro choice, pro euthanasia, and pro suicide.  Individual rights should extend to our ability to create (or not create) life and take our own.  There are too many people in the world anyways, so getting rid of a few isn't a problem to me.
4. Gasoline should cost, at minimum, $25 a gallon, with 85% of that being tax money that goes to developing renewable energy.  You make gas $25 a gallon and we'll have renewable energy in 2 months.
5. I'm not just pro gun control; I'm anti guns.  Get rid of all guns--pry them out of cold, dead hands if necessary.
6. The word "soccer" should be outlawed.  It's football, Americans.  Accept it.  American football should be called "American football" or "American rules football."  I'm being lenient here--after all, American football has very little to do with feet, doesn't it?
7. Nudity and cursing should be allowed on television, period--especially during children's programming.  Kids need to learn that stuff sooner or later, so why not start early?
8. All drugs should be legalized, including tobacco.
9. People who are cruel to animals should be fed to lions.
10. Fully fund the space program.  We need get the hell off this planet as soon as possible.